Why are some people happy, others miserable in the same situation?
Some quotes from this nice blog I recently came across which attempts to answer this question by exploring the concept of self image.
We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are. — Rabbi Shemuel ben Nachmani
A cloudy, rainy day might be “cozy, warm, delightful—a reason to stay inside and be with friends” or “dreary, dark, depressing, isolating and cold” depending on your state of mind, how you relate to yourself in that moment
When someone bumps into a person holding a mug, whatever is inside the mug is what spills out. Similarly, when someone bumps into us—agitates us, jolts us, does something unexpected—whatever is inside us spills out into the world, too. If you bump into a happy person, joy and forgiveness spill out. If you bump into an angry person, anger and negativity spill out.
Negative, unhappy people don’t always want to be around happy people because it highlights the disparity in their inner state so strikingly. They would rather be around someone who can mirror them—someone who also has a negative, angry take on the world. Thus: negativity and anger attract more negativity and anger.
This loop continues (i.e. poor self image > the world sucks > act like the world sucks > attract people who also think the world sucks > confirm your belief that the world sucks > repeat).
Any time you derive who you are based on things that are not really yours—objects, money, power, status, beauty, reputation—thing, […] you will feel crushed when they dissolve. Conversely, if you value yourself for the one thing you have for as long as you live—your sense of self—you will be unswayed by the loss or gain of these superficial forces.
He who says he can, and he who says he can’t are both usually right. - Confucius
Our self image is the lens we see the world through. When you see yourself as small, wounded, inadequate, and sad, that’s how the world looks, too.
Side note
All of this also relates to relationship partner and parenting. How you see the world will have a significant impact from your partner’s world view. And how your child sees the world will be impacted by both of your world views. Which in turns is a reflection of the self image.
We can also see this in light of Adlerian psychology and teleology. Coupling our current self-image with past expriences is often limiting and a way to avoid responsibility. The book The Courage to Be Disliked is a good read on this topic.